


Un/Broken

by skargasm



Series: Unbroken [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV), Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Fusion, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dark, F/M, Hypervigilance, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 20,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26374255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skargasm/pseuds/skargasm
Summary: Void is gone but Stiles is left with the guilt of everything that he did whilst possessed. Unable to pull himself out of it, and unwilling to inflict how he feels on his friends, he begins to pull away from the Pack. Making a list of things he needs to accomplish before he’s allowed to relieve everyone of the burden of his presence, it takes someone with experience of getting over guilt to help him see that there is light in the darkness that his life has become.
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers, Derek Hale/Kira Yukimura, Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall/Malia Tate, Xander Harris/Willow Rosenberg/Spike
Series: Unbroken [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2021312
Comments: 200
Kudos: 304





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TummySassAndAss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/TummySassAndAss/gifts), [mephistopholes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mephistopholes/gifts), [devilscut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/devilscut/gifts).



> This is a break from the norm for me - I received a prompt that made me think, feel scared but also inspired. The story has the potential to be dark, possibly triggering for many, and I'm not sure how much of a 'happy' ending there will be. There are suicidal thoughts, anxiety and depression issues covered.
> 
> If you think any of this may be triggering for you, PLEASE DO NOT READ. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and healthy.
> 
> I hope that this story does not offend or upset people. It is **my** view on things and may not mesh with your own. I hope that people who read/comment will with-hold their judgement and think before they say something.
> 
> Writing this is making me feel vulnerable so it's possible I won't be answering comments as I go along. 
> 
> If I need to add any tags, please let me know.

[ ](https://imgur.com/72TL5qP)

* * *

Void is gone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t dark.

He can still feel the sword in his hand, the way it felt to twist it in the gut of his best friend.

He can still feel that moment of silence as the life was taken from one of his closest friends.

He can still see the look of horror and fear on his father’s face when he realised that his son was responsible for the carnage.

Void is gone, but so too is the old Stiles.

Six months after, and life goes on. There are changes within the Pack – there are changes everywhere. And everyone expects him to be okay. They’ve won, defeated the great evil.

The great evil that was in Stiles. That _was_ Stiles. 

They defeated him. They cored him, scoured the presence out of his system. 

But the taint remains. It slithers and slides over him in his sleep. It invades his mind with desires that aren’t his. It speaks to him of possibilities that he’s now missed.

Void is gone, but his memories remain.

Everyone thinks he’s so strong, so resilient. Look how well he’s recovered: he’s regained the weight he lost, he’s caught up at school, he’s the master of research for the Pack. They don’t see the blood on his hands – Liam, Hayden, Corey, Mason. They’re too young, new to the supernatural world to see past the ‘Pack-Mom’ persona. 

Even Scott seems to have been able to put it behind him.

Void is gone, but the blood he spilled is still on Stiles’ hands. 

The pain, fear, guilt is still in his heart.

The dread is still in his head.

Void is gone. And soon, Stiles will be gone.

* * *

He takes the long weekend to plan things out. There are things he needs to do, stuff he needs resolved before he can _finally_ be free from all of this. Strange to think that they spend their time fighting for their lives, for the lives of their families and friends, and he plans to take his own.

But only once he’s completed his list. It’s important to him – he needs to know that they will go on without him, that they’ll be strong and safe. 

His list is simple:

-make sure his father is looked after. A new love, someone to make sure he eats and sleeps well, has support; 

\- make sure that Scott isn’t alone. He needs someone who’ll tell him when he’s being a dumbass and to buoy him up when he’s doubting himself; 

\- make sure that the pack is safe. Derek deserves some happiness and stability and could be the backbone of such an amazing pack if he would only trust himself. The cubs – they need to learn to listen, to work together, to bond.

Two things for himself, things he never really thought he would get but that he wants with all of his soul before he finally reaches peace: to visit the sea and to tell people how he _really_ feels.

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea just how hard it was going to be to put myself into Stiles' headspace - this may be a slow burn and a slow story.
> 
> * * *

He was ready to put his plan into action – sort of. He suffered through a couple of days where getting out of bed just wasn’t happening. He tried – he really did – but there was just no physical way he was getting out of bed. Fortunately, his Dad was on shift so Stiles didn’t have to deal with his concerned face and confusion. 

That hurt. His Dad had dealt with so much – he shouldn’t have to watch his son struggle to even get out of bed. 

By the third or fourth day, he managed to get out of bed and have a shower, taking a break in front of the TV before he made his next move. The screen was on but the sound was off, the flickering images giving his brain something to focus on other than the ever-present intrusive thoughts. With the last of his energy and the feeling that he was coming to the top of a huge mountain, Stiles made his Dad some lunch and made his way to the station.

The new people working there were slowly getting used to the Sheriff’s son popping in and out. There had been rumours that he’d had something to do with the bomb that went off in the precinct, but that couldn’t be the case because otherwise, he wouldn’t be walking around free as a bird. Sheriff Stilinski was a fair, upfront man and no-one believed that he had done anything to keep his son free of charges. Well, mostly no one believed it.

“Hey Stiles – your Dad’s in the back. He has a visitor though.” Stiles smiled at the woman behind the reception desk, desperately trying to remember her name. They’d been introduced too many times for him to not know who she was, but the fog in his brain wasn’t allowing him easy access to his memories.

“Cool – I’ll just take his lunch back to him and get out of his way then,” he replied, maintaining his smile with effort.

“No, I didn’t mean you couldn’t stay – I mean – “

“No worries. Good to see you again,” he said before walking the familiar path to his Dad’s office. He was surprised to see Peter Hale sat in there with his father, the two men deep in discussion. It was a surprise mainly because Derek was a deputy at the Department now – what would Peter be doing there? 

Stiles hesitated at the door, unsure whether he should interrupt or not. Maybe he should just leave the Tupperware containers with his father’s healthy lunch in the staff room? Before he could convince himself to leave, his Dad looked up and saw him. Noah got to his feet and came over to the door, and Stiles forced a bigger smile onto his face.

“STILES! I can’t think of the last time you brought me lunch – thank you, son!” Noah grabbed him in a tight hug and Stiles submitted, resisting the urge to collapse into his father’s strength. That wasn’t what this was about and he needed to remember that.

“Sorry – I know I should try to bring you stuff more often – “

“No, I didn’t mean it like – look, come in, son. There’s some stuff you can help me with,” Noah said, tugging Stiles further into the office and closing the door. Stiles avoided looking at Peter with effort, shoving the Tupperware container at his father before making his way to the nearest seat.

“Why Stiles – it’s good to see you. You haven't been present at the latest Pack Meetings – I was beginning to wonder if you had finally given up on the whole McCall-Hale pack thing,” Peter spoke quietly but his attention felt intense and Stiles stiffened, feeling like prey.

“I didn't think you guys wanted me around.”

“Why wouldn’t we want you there?” Peter turned in his chair so that he was facing Stiles, and he made a conscious effort to stop playing with his hands and give the appearance of being relaxed and calm.

“Token human – not much use in a fight – should the list go on?” he said, a touch of bitterness coating his words.

“That’s ridiculous!” Noah spoke sharply and Stiles bowed his head. Fine, so he was ridiculous – he didn’t know what he was talking about. So what else was new?

“Stiles – you are an invaluable member of – “

“So what are you guys talking about?” he interrupted, unwilling to listen to whatever platitudes they could come up with. Peter gave him a strange look, then sighed before speaking again.

“I’m considering restarting my Law firm – I was speaking to your father about potentially assisting the Sheriff’s department.”

“Oh. Right – makes sense. Infiltrate law enforcement, weed out the supernatural shit before anyone can get wind of it,” Stiles murmured to himself.

“Exactly. I keep telling McCall that he’s not using you skills and knowledge to his best advantage but he refuses to listen to a word I say,” Peter lamented with a false look of sorrow on his face.

“You did bite him against his will, go on a killing spree and kill his girlfriend’s aunt in front of him. That was before your whole Lazarus thing of course – did I miss anything?” Noah snarked, sharing a smile with Stiles. 

“He needs to get over that – past history!” Peter snarked right back, his smile slightly fangy.

“You’re a lawyer?” Stiles said, surprise in his voice. “Actually, I can well see it. Fucking people over and getting paid for it.”

“I worked as defence mainly, but please – don’t let me mess with your preconceptions of you,” Peter replied, seeming to be enjoying the conversation. Suddenly, Stiles felt incredibly tired of all of it. He was peopled out – he just wanted to go home, climb into bed and sleep.

“Well, not that this hasn’t been a slice of heaven, but I need to be heading home. Dad – no cheating on your diet, I’ll know. Peter – the image of you defending the innocent is sufficiently disturbing that I don’t think I want to talk to you any more.” He climbed out of the seat, swaying slightly at the head-rush. Perhaps he should try to eat something?

“No problem – your father and I were pretty much finished actually. Would you like a ride home, Stiles?”

“What?” Stiles shook his head, feeling the familiar roaring in his ears that preceded what often felt like a complete shutdown. “No, thanks – I brought the Jeep. And it’s not far. I’ll – yeah, bye.” Stiles made his way unsteadily out of the office, lifting a hand in vague farewell as he left the building. He needed to get home quickly – he was feeling like he had zero energy left all of a sudden.

* * *

Peter watched as the Sheriff went through the Tupperware containers that Stiles had brought with him, sighing at whatever was inside.

“Did he seem alright to you – like himself?” He hadn’t wanted to initiate the conversation, but no one else seemed to be seeing what he thought he was seeing.

“Hmm?”

“Stiles – he seemed a little out of it,” he replied.

“Oh – he’s not sleeping great. I mean – obviously better than through that whole shit-show, but he’s having a few issues. Nothing major – nothing to worry about,” Noah replied, sitting behind his desk and pulling out some cutlery from his drawer.

“Right – okay. Well, thanks for the talk and I will let you know when things move forward.”

“Anytime, Peter. I’m serious about making things run more smoothly – and having pack members on the team, people who understand the supernatural will hopefully mean we don’t have anything like that massacre again.” Noah shuddered, then took a bite of his food. Realising that he wasn’t going to get any further information from the man about Stiles and his welfare, Peter gave his goodbyes and left the office. 

He watched as Stiles pulled out of a parking space just down from the station, his attention so focused on the road that he didn’t even notice Peter watching. Something was going on and Peter was intrigued and concerned. His feelings about the boy were mixed – Stiles _had_ thrown a Molotov Cocktail at him after all – but he admired his tenacity, strength and brains. He might have also enjoyed a dream about him a time or two – that long, lithe body; smooth, pale skin; pouting pink mouth and striking amber eyes – Stiles was very easy to look at. He resolved to keep an eye on things before bringing it to the attention of Scott and Derek.

* * *


	3. All peopled out

Peter found himself watching Stiles closely over the following week or so. Stiles attended the next Pack event, and Peter watched from the sidelines as he was the life and soul of the party. He had Isaac in stitches with some story about an incident at school, playing the fool so competently, so completely, that no one else seemed to notice that it was all surface. There were moments where Stiles seemed to be standing still amongst the crowd of people enjoying Isaac’s return from France, alone and lonely. It was disconcerting just how well Stiles played the part of a happy human. 

Pulling Derek to one side did nothing – all he had to say was that Stiles seemed happy enough and having Isaac back was a good thing. He didn’t seem to be able to tell that Stiles smelled strongly of pain. Not physical pain – Peter imagined the Pack would be there in a heartbeat if the human was physically hurt, eager to drain his pain. Many of them felt guilty because they hadn’t realised how badly Stiles had been suffering during the initial possession, hadn’t noticed how hard a time he was having.

It was another kind of pain – the kind that made the dark circles under his eyes clear to Peter’s eyes; the moments when he let the act drop and he looked so completely and utterly weary of life. It was actually quite terrifying.

Mid-week, Scott arranged for the Pack members to go bowling, and Peter reluctantly attended. He had no intention of becoming an Omega, which meant that on occasion he had to at least _try_ to take part in Pack activities. He was disappointed to discover that Stiles was not in attendance.

“Where’s Stiles?” He asked Scott at the earliest opportunity.

“What?” Scott put down his drink and turned to Peter, puffing up his chest slightly as was his wont. He wore the mantle of alpha with an aura of discomfort that never seemed to waver – he was not a natural leader and struggled to present the image of one. 

“I said where’s Stiles?”

“Oh, he cancelled.”

“Did he give a reason why?” Scott gave him a confused look, distracted by Liam getting a strike and celebrating loudly.

“Something about studying I think. To be honest, he cancels so often there are times when the guys don’t even bother inviting him to these things. I get it – I mean, he’s human again – maybe he wants to leave the Supernatural behind him.” 

“Do you **really** think after seeing you through your initial transition to being a werewolf and everything he’s suffered through and seen that Stiles would go back to being merely human?” Peter scoffed, unable to believe how blind McCall was acting.

“You don’t have to make being human sound – less. Given the opportunity to go back to being human? To be honest – I would. I mean – when Derek told me that old wives’ tale that killing the alpha that bit you could turn you human again, I would have _happily_ killed you myself,” Scott sniped, his tone uncharacteristically nasty.

“Without Stiles, you would have been at my beck and call within a week, McCall, and don’t you forget it. Whatever Deaton has filled your head with regarding your True Alpha status, just remember who was there for you when you needed them,” Peter snarked back.

“What is this boner you have for Stiles all of a sudden? Derek told me you were asking him about him the other week. Look – if you’re wanting to play your twisted mental games like you did with Lydia – “

“Perhaps I am merely concerned with his welfare.”

Scott snorted his disbelief. “Right – you having a thought about anyone else in the Pack.”

“I can tell you that Hayden is cheating on young Liam and that it’s going to lead to an explosion sooner rather than later,” Peter said, leaning back and watching the new awkwardness between Liam and Hayden. Derek should have known better than to allow the two of them into the Pack the way things were: Liam was explosive, and Hayden was just beginning to realise what a true pack could be like. She was beginning to chafe under the title of Liam’s girlfriend – it was obvious to anyone who cared to look. Their relationship wouldn’t last past the next supernatural incursion – Peter would lay money on it.

“What are you talking about? Those two are solid!” Scott protested.

“Oh really? So it’s normal for Hayden to smell of – Brett, is it? The boy from Devenford Prep?” Scott looked from Peter to Hayden and back again.

“You’re wrong – she loves Liam.”

“Puppy love, if you’ll excuse the expression. And as the Alpha, you’re going to have to handle the fall out from that little fiasco.”

“Peter – stop shit-stirring! And leave Stiles alone!”

“Is that an order – Alpha?” Peter asked, his tone silky but with an undertone of menace.

“No, of course it’s not an order! I’m not that kind of Alpha – I don’t want to have order people to do things! That – that doesn’t seem the right way to run a Pack.” Scott looked uncomfortable with the very idea and Peter struggled to hold back a sneer. In Talia’s day, if she had thought someone could potentially hurt a pack-mate, she would have had zero hesitation in making sure they were kept well away, even if it was another member of the Pack. 

“So as far as you know, Stiles is alright – just suffering from an over-abundance of homework?” 

“Yes! That’s what he said and I have no reason to disbelieve him!” Scott was obviously getting flustered and wanted the conversation to end.

“Hmm, strange then that you don’t seem to be suffering the same burden – I would have thought you would need to study far more than he,” Peter said, walking away from Scott, the confusion he saw on the young Alpha’s face a slight consolation for his lack of interest in his best friend.

“Peter – where are you going?” Derek stopped Peter on his way out of the bowling alley, and Peter stifled a sigh. They should be showing Stiles all of this concern and interest, not him.

“I find that bowling is not to my taste – a little too skewed towards the younger members of the Pack. Don’t worry, nephew, I let our Alpha know I was leaving.”

“I wasn’t worried – I just – what you said about Stiles the other day – “

“What about it?”

“I just – he seemed okay that last time I saw him. And he’s having no ill effects from getting rid of the nogitsune.” 

“Is that a statement or a question?” Peter asked.

“Why do you always have to make things so difficult? Is he having any after-effects? Should I speak to Deaton?” Derek huffed, folding his arms across his chest.

“I don’t think Deaton knows much more about the subject, but it might not be a bad idea to ask him. If you have the time of course – what with Isaac returning to the fold, and your new thing with Kira – “

“Of course I have time for Stiles! I just didn’t think he needed any help!”

“You should know that it’s often those who don’t appear to need help who need it the most,” Peter replied, unimpressed by the front Derek was putting up. He knew his nephew was relieved not to be alpha any more, but he wasn’t happy that he was allowing McCall to make so many decisions when in reality he knew less about Pack etiquette than most of them. It was a disaster waiting to happen in Peter’s mind.

“Peter – “

“Don’t worry about it, Derek – I’ll check in on Stiles.”

“Okay – fine. Thanks.”

“No problem.” With a nod, Peter left without a backward glance, determined to look in on Stiles and reassure himself that the boy was actually alright.

* * *

The darkness of the house suited his mood, and Stiles lay staring up at the ceiling of his bedroom. He could have gone to the Pack bowling night but he simply didn’t have the energy. It took too much for him to be ‘on’ for that length of time, and he didn’t want to bring the others down with his negativity. He wished he had some idea what was going on with him – he should be fine. There were people who were suffering from so much worse than he – he’d been saved, after all. He should be grateful – he should be back to full strength. 

The feelings of weakness, of letting down his Pack by being such a weak-minded human merely strengthened his resolve to go through with his plan. And Isaac being back from France was perfect – he was someone who could understand both Scott’s pain regarding Allison, and help him through any potential stumbling blocks with the new, younger members of the Pack. Before he had left for France, Isaac had visited Stiles and told him that he didn’t blame him for what had happened. However much Stiles had appreciated the effort, he didn’t see how that could possibly be the case – Stiles had cost Isaac the girl that he loved. How could he not hate Stiles for that? Possessed or not, it was whilst the Oni were under his control that Allison died – he couldn’t forgive himself for that. **No one** would truly be able to forgive him for that. 

No, it made sense for Scott and Isaac to get closer now that the latter was back from France. All Stiles had to do was make a few more excuses for not attending Pack events, avoid Scott’s occasional request for a boy’s night and things should slide into place without too much effort. It was almost too easy, like it was meant to be.

He realised he was crying silently and cursed. That happened so often lately – he often didn’t even know that he was doing it – it was like his emotions were leaking out of him without his permission. It was embarrassing and yet another sign of his weakness. Scrubbing viciously at his eyes, he threw himself over onto his side and settled down to sleep. He didn’t know if it would happen – some nights he simply laid awake until the dawn, then dragged himself out of bed; other times he could barely get out of bed at all, feeling exhaustion in every fibre of his being. 

A noise outside his window had him leaping from his bed, grabbing his baseball bat automatically as he turned to face the danger. Walking carefully to the window, he drew back the edge of the curtain just enough to see outside. He couldn’t see much in the moonlight, but there didn’t seem to be anyone or anything there. Still, it felt like someone was watching him and it made his skin prickle with awareness. With a sigh, he tugged the curtain completely closed again, dropped the bat by the side of his bed where he could reach it easily if needed, and threw himself onto the ruffled sheets. Great – now he really was going out of his mind.

* * *


	4. Let me hear you crying just for me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September is Suicide Prevention Month. If you live in the UK, there are some helpful numbers and information to be found [here](https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/suicide-prevention-helplines)
> 
> Every mind matters - take care of your mental health.
> 
> * * *

An incursion of honest to God gremlins had Stiles up three nights straight researching. He was knocking back ProPlus tablets to keep himself awake, feverishly looking through the dross on the internet in an attempt to find a real way of getting rid of them.

“Stiles – we **need** this information!”

“Scott, what exactly do you expect me to do? I can’t call direct enquiries and say _what’s the best way to get rid of a bunch of watered mogwais_ and get an exact answer!” Stiles shoved his hands through his hair, blinking rapidly as his eyes blurred. 

“I know but – they broke into the sports store, completely wrecked the joint. Derek says they’ll just keep escalating until we _do_ something.”

“Does _Derek_ have any useful bits of information? I **know** they’re escalating – I’m the one who told you guys something was going on!” Unable to sit still, he jumped to his feet and paced back and forth his room, kicking Scott’s foot deliberately as he passed him. “If you’d fucking listened to the token human when he **first** said something – “

“Oh come on, Stiles – how were we meant to know you were serious? We thought you were just messing about!” Scott protested. 

“Fuck you, Scott! I don’t joke about this shit – it could get someone killed!” Stiles said, offended.

“Whoa, whoa! Stiles – when was the last time you got some sleep, man? I mean – I didn’t mean any offence and I know you take this stuff seriously but – “

“Maybe you should just go. Isaac is no doubt waiting for you and I don’t have anything useful for you at the moment,” Stiles said, head lowered as he tried to hide how he was feeling.

“Okay – I mean, if that’s what you want. We were going to patrol and then maybe head out to the Den. Do you want to come, maybe? I mean – then we could help with the research a little – “

“What, so now you think I can’t even handle _that_?” Scott gave a heavy sigh, getting to his feet and heading towards the bedroom door.

“That wasn’t what I meant. I’ll just get out of your hair. Let me know if you find anything.” He stood, hesitating, in the doorway.

“Yeah, sure.” Refusing to look at his friend, Stiles waited until Scott gave up and left before picking up and throwing one of his books at the wall. This was so fucking frustrating – the one thing he _used_ to be able to do with some confidence, and now he couldn’t even do this for the Pack. It was no wonder they thought he was useless.

* * *

Peter watched as Scott and Isaac left the Stilinski house, thinking about the conversation he had just heard. He marvelled that McCall managed to get through the day considering he seemed to have his head up his ass most of the time. Deciding that he had sat back and watched enough, he made his way to the front door. 

Scott hadn’t even closed it properly, leaving Stiles vulnerable to any prey that chose to enter his home – it was ridiculous how useless an Alpha Scott was. With a sigh, Peter walked into the house, closed and locked the door. He knew the Sheriff was busy down-town – the gremlins were causing untold amounts of havoc, keeping law enforcement busy trying to sort out their mischief. So far, they hadn’t done anything too drastic, but there was always the potential for people to get hurt when something like that was around.

On silent feet, he walked through the house and up the stairs, listening to the too-fast beat of Stiles’ heart.

“Good evening, Stiles,” he said from the doorway, not surprised when Stiles didn’t even jump at his sudden appearance.

“Hey, Peter – come to see what a mess I’m making of all of this research?” 

“I merely came to offer my assistance – I might be able to steer you towards sites that offer some concrete information rather than the fake stuff.” Stepping into Stiles’ room, he took a moment to inhale the scents that hit his senses. There was the faint tinge of medication, and he could almost feel Stiles’ frustration. Underneath it all was the pleasant aroma of lemongrass that was a base note of Stiles’ scent. But he still didn’t smell quite right. “Tell me where I can help and I will do my best.”

“Look, I don’t mean to be rude but if this is just some way of making sure I’m working as hard on this as I can, you can tell Derek and Scott – “

“As I said, I merely wish to help. When was the last time you ate? Or slept?”

“I – what? I don’t know – Tuesday? There’s not enough time – “

“Perhaps the first order of business should be a shower and something to eat? It’s much easier to deal with such things when you’re feeling refreshed, don’t you find?” Stiles looked shocked that someone was asking about his welfare, coming to his feet in a confused shuffle.

“I mean – yeah, a shower would be good I guess. I suppose that’s your nice way of telling me that my reek offends you?” He gave Peter a smirk, looking more like himself than he had in some time. 

“Well – your aroma is _always_ attractive, sweetheart, but I do prefer the smell of you when you have bathed in the recent past,” Peter said, deliberately moving close to Stiles and into his personal space. He was pleased to hear the stutter of his heart, Stiles looking into his face suspiciously.

“Smell me often, do you?” 

“Occasionally.”

“And the human stench doesn’t offend you?” Another step forward and their chests were touching. Stiles still didn’t step back, either unaware of their proximity or not objecting to it. 

“Not all of the Hale Pack were werewolves. Humans are valuable members of any Pack – they help us maintain our humanity, remind us that we are not simply animals. You have not offended me since you threw a Molotov Cocktail at my head.”

“Oh yeah, remind me that I helped kill you – how to relax the squishy human,” Stiles joked, tilting his head slightly and drawing Peter’s attention to the long column of his neck and throat. 

“I wonder – do you realise quite what you’re doing?”

“With what?”

“Many a wolf would take your posture as a gesture of – submission.” Stiles flushed, the colour in his cheeks making him look healthier. 

“Why would I submit to you? You’re not my alpha.”

“There are many types of submission, Stiles, as I am sure you are well aware. But perhaps that is a conversation for another day. I believe you were going to bathe and grab some sustenance?” Peter took a step back, watching as Stiles took a deep breath and seemed to realise what he had been doing.

“Yeah – that would be good. Help yourself to the laptop – see if you can find anything useful.” Peter looked on as Stiles walked around his room, grabbing a towel and some clean clothes. He seemed to be more centred having someone give him directions, his posture more relaxed.

“Thank you. Take your time – I’ll be here, waiting.” Stiles stared at him for a moment, seeming to be thinking hard about something before giving a nod and heading out of the room. Pleased with how the interaction had gone, Peter made himself comfortable at Stiles’ laptop and began searching for the information they needed.

He could hear Stiles in the bathroom, the sound of the shower muffling his voice as he seemed to be giving himself a pep talk. In less than half an hour, Peter heard him leave the bathroom and go downstairs, clattering about in the kitchen. Nevertheless, he was surprised when Stiles appeared in the doorway, carrying a tray containing a plate of sandwiches and two mugs of something hot.

“I figured since you were helping me, the least I could do was offer you some refreshments,” Stiles said, looking uncertain.

“That is most kind of you, Stiles. Here, let me take that whilst you get comfortable on the bed.” Peter was pleased when Stiles obeyed, settling himself onto the bed before reaching for the tray of food. He nodded at Peter to grab one of the mugs before digging into the sandwiches with gusto and draining his mug of hot chocolate with voracity. Peter wondered when Stiles had eaten last – when he had taken the time to even basically look after himself, and resolved to ensure that the boy was looked after better. Scott and Derek might not realise how valuable Stiles was, but Peter was no fool.

“Any luck?”

“Yes, actually. I reached out to an old contact – it would appear these gremlins have been rampaging up and down the coast for some time. Causing mischief then moving on before they could be handled appropriately. We have the choice of giving them an offering which will send them on their way, or dealing with them more harshly and stopping them in their tracks.”

“Which would you choose?”

“I personally don’t think it’s our responsibility to police them – as long as they leave our territory, that’s all good as far as I’m concerned. However – “

“Derek and Scott won’t think the same way,” Stiles said, looking longingly at Peter’s mug of hot chocolate. Without thinking, Peter offered it to him and Stiles accepted, taking a big gulp immediately.

“No – they will see it as their duty to ensure that the gremlins do not cause an issue for anyone else. It could be tiresome but we should be able to get the job done without too much damage to any of the Pack,” Peter said, printing off the information he had gathered.

“Sometimes I wish they wouldn’t be quite so – “ Stiles hesitated, obviously feeling like he was somehow betraying Scott by disagreeing with his philosophy on life.

“ – so in need of being the knights on white chargers? Yes, I can agree with that. Not everything needs to be handled by us, but they are the alphas we are stuck with. And I suppose we should be glad that they are no longer at each other’s throats constantly,” he replied, interested to find that he and Stiles shared the same view.

“Yeah, but only because Derek keeps taking a back-seat and letting Scott make the decisions. He knows more about the whole wolf thing – he needs to step up, teach Scott instead of letting him keep making these decisions for us all without considering the consequences.”

“I don’t disagree with you – here, let me take that for you,” Peter said, taking the mug from Stiles’ hand and encouraging him to relax on the bed. “Perhaps it’s something we can work on together – getting Derek to step up a little more.”

“Yeah – I mean, he was a complete douche when he first became alpha but – he’s mellowed. He could be a really good co-alpha if he would just get out of his own way sometimes,” Stiles muttered, falling back onto the pillows and looking drowsy.

“The loss of Erica and Boyd hit him quite hard – he lost a lot of confidence in himself.”

“That wasn’t all his fault.” Stiles’ eyes were drooping, his voice lower.

“Indeed.” Peter moved to the foot of the bed, pulling off Stiles’ Converse and socks so that he could get a little more comfortable. As soon as Peter released his feet, Stiles curled up on his side and burrowed into his pillow, his eyes closing completely as he relaxed. “I’m going to send our Alphas the information you’ve gathered – you managed to find the only real information on the internet which is impressive – and let them decide how to deal with it.”

“That’s good – thanks Peter,” Stiles mumbled, already half asleep. 

“You are very welcome.” 

“Don’t go!” Stiles stirred, opening his eyes and looking at Peter. He looked vulnerable and lost, and Peter felt his heartbreaking at the look on the younger man’s face.

“I was going to peruse your bookshelves actually – see if I could find things to ridicule you for at another time,” he said smoothly, pleased when Stiles smiled and closed his eyes again.

“Yeah, yeah – don’t forget, I’ve seen some of your book collection.”

“Then I look forward to that discussion. Sleep, Stiles – I will watch over you.”

“Thanks, Lazarus,” Stiles mumbled, giving up his hold on consciousness. Touched by the trust the young man was displaying, yet concerned by his overall impressions of how Stiles was feeling, Peter remained by his bedside all night, watching over him.

* * *


	5. A completely unneccessary crossover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> September 10th was Suicide Prevention Day. I apologise for the delay in posting this information. 
> 
> [International Association Suicide Prevention](https://www.iasp.info/wspd2020/)
> 
> I don't know a lot about the resources available internationally - if anyone has reliable, helpful numbers, please just drop me a line.
> 
> In the meantime, please take care of yourself - this fic is taking a lot out of me because it's bringing up a lot of dark thoughts. But if it reaches one person, helps one person, it's worth it.
> 
> Every mind matters. Take care of your mental health.
> 
> * * *

“Wanna tell me why Peter Hale was seen leaving our house at 6.30 this morning?” Noah watched as his son froze in the act of shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth, his eyes widening comically.

“Er – “ 

“And before you come up with some dumbass excuse, remember we promised to stop lying to each other.” He pressed the guilt button relentlessly, needing to find out what was going on with his son. Regardless of Peter Hale’s thoughts on the subject, Noah **had** noticed that his son hadn’t bounced back quite as vigorously from the Nogitsune as others might think. Stiles might have put back on some of the weight that he had lost, but he was still underweight; there were time when he completely zoned out; and Noah was seriously concerned about his mental health. Hell, who wouldn’t be slightly fucked in the head with everything the kid had been dealing with in his lifetime?

“He was helping me with research – for the gremlin thing,” Stiles finally answered, avoiding Noah’s gaze. 

“And that was all?”

“Yeah! I mean, you know Peter – full of innuendo and sly comments but underneath it all – “

“I swear to God, Stiles, if you try to tell me that a man who could be classed as a serial killer is a marshmallow underneath it all, I will lose my mind!”

“Well, I wouldn’t say marshmallow, but he **was** really helpful,” Stiles replied, looking discomfited. 

“Okay – but was he here _just_ for that?”

“What are you talking about? Dad – “

“You know you can tell me anything, right? I thought we’d pretty much established that with the whole werewolf reveal.”

“I know.” Stiles stared down into his bowl, stirring the cereal pieces around in the milk but no longer eating. 

“Look, Stiles, I made a seriously dumbass comment to you once. We were outside Jungle and I said something that your mother would have slapped me over the head for. I just wanted you to know – “

“Oh, that! I mean, yeah, I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual but nothing is going on between Peter and I. At least, I don’t think so.” Noah could see that the idea wasn’t new to Stiles, and couldn’t decide whether he would have preferred it if Stiles had fixated on Derek instead of Peter. Both of the Hale men were problematic: if Noah had his way, Derek would be going to therapy to help him deal with his childhood trauma and the situation with Kate; Peter – well, coming back from the dead had to have done a real number on the guy despite the urbane, cultured image he projected and add to that killing your own niece and exacting revenge on a whole heap of people and Noah was sure that both of the Hale men were chock-full of issues. 

“Stiles – I know Eichen House wasn’t a good experience for anyone in the Pack – “

“Do we have to do this now? I just – “

“I kinda feel like we do need to, bud. You’ve been through so much, Stiles, and I know that it must have done a real number on your mental health. There’s nothing wrong with saying you need help, Stiles.” Noah put his hand onto Stiles’ arm, trying to make his son meet his eyes.

“There’s nothing going on between Peter and I! But if you wanna have this conversation, what’s going on between you and Ms Miller?” 

Noah sat back, confused.

“Ms Miller?”

“Yeah, the woman that owns the new cafe – I know you visit there a lot and I don’t think it’s all for the diet-breaking baked goods.” Stiles sat back as well, and Noah found himself reflecting on how alike they were. 

“I don’t think I know what you’re thinking but – “

“I’m just thinking that you shouldn’t be alone and that Mom wouldn’t want that for you. I know how much you loved Mom, but she wouldn’t want you to be without anyone ever again.”

“You’re right – your mother would want us _both_ to be happy.”

“So – Ms Miller?”

“I might consider asking her out – _just_ for a coffee or something.” 

“That sounds good.” Stiles settled back down, spooning more cereal into his mouth. Noah coughed and tried to get back on track.

“We were talking about you and Peter Hale, _and_ where your head is at. I’ve noticed a few – symptoms – that I’m kinda worried about Stiles.” 

“I’m not possessed again! The rune I investigated – “ Stiles protested, spoon clattering into the bowl as he dropped it.

“No, I didn’t mean that! Just – Stiles, I am worried about you. You don’t talk to me, son, not really. And I wondered whether we could try to find _someone_ you could talk to?”

“I’m not insane!”

“Stiles – you’re not listening to me! I don’t think you’re mad or insane or possessed – I just know that I have someone I can talk to in Mel, but I worry that you don’t have anyone you can talk to that you’re not shielding from things. You’re great at protecting everyone else, Stiles, but you need to practice some self-care.” Noah felt like he wasn’t getting through and sighed. 

“I hear you, Dad. I’ll – I’ll see if maybe anyone in the Pack knows someone – “

“I’ve already asked Chris Argent.” Stiles looked up, his mouth open and a look of betrayal crossing his face. “Just because I was worried and thought he might know someone. The Argents weren’t quite the best example of mental health, but I know while he and Isaac were away that Chris did some real work on communication and things. I just want what’s best for you. Or who.” A side glance showed that Stiles had blushed and Noah wondered if his son even realised how much he was attracted to Peter Hale or whether the idea was new to him. 

Noah had watched Pack dynamics whenever he was around them and he saw the way Stiles and Peter gravitated towards each other. They kept themselves slightly separate from the rest of the Pack – maybe because of the age differences, or perhaps because of experiences that others might not be able to fully comprehend. And Peter was weirdly protective of Stiles. 

“Did Chris give you anything good?”

Noah pulled the card out of his pocket, pleased that Stiles seemed open to the concept. 

“Yeah. Her name is Willow Rosenberg – works out of Portland mainly, although she can be mobile. And you don’t have to hide the supernatural aspect of things from her – you might remember that place, Sunnydale, that kinda disappeared into a sinkhole?”

“I remember reading about it but I wasn’t sure if I’d just fallen into another hole in the internet!”

“She’s from there. She’ll understand _whatever_ you need to talk to her about. You can be honest with her and she can be trusted.” Noah spoke earnestly, pleased that Stiles hadn’t dismissed the whole idea out of hand.

“What about – the whole nogitsune thing? Do you think she would judge me for that?” Stiles looked so young as he took the card from Noah and turned it over and over between his fingers, looking down.

“From what Chris told me, she’s had experience with the dark side of things and wasn’t possessed when it happened so she will understand all of it. No one is judging you for Void, Stiles – no one but you.” He grabbed his son’s hand, pleased when Stiles turned his fingers and grasped onto his own. “I love you, Stiles, and I need you to know that you’re not alone.”

“Thanks, Dad. I’ll – I’ll send her an email.” 

“That’s all I ask.”

* * *


	6. The Good Witch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE thanks to Afrieal for the following international Suicide Prevention Numbers
> 
> [International Numbers](https://www.suicidestop.com/call_a_hotline.html) \- it looks pretty comprehensive!
> 
> * * *

[ ](https://imgur.com/M6Z4LrA)

* * *

“You’re not what I expected.” Stiles sat uncomfortably in front of the woman, looking at her intensely. She was very attractive – late thirties, maybe early forties – with bright red hair and green eyes that sparkled. She looked like she’d be more at home maybe in a library or something, very down to earth, helpful, fun. 

“Oh? Were you expecting lots of black and heavy make up and intense looks? Or, or – maybe wrinkled and haggard with gnarly looking hands and moles?” She seemed quite into finding out what he had expected. 

“I dunno – just – all the research I did says you’re one of the most powerful witches in the US today. I wasn’t expecting – Soccer Mom.”

“Well, my kids will be pleased you agree with their estimation of my clothing choices. But yeah – no boasting – I _really_ am that powerful.” She smiled at him. “I once accidentally spelled a vampire into thinking he was in love with a vampire slayer and they were planning their wedding – that was a fun one to unravel. But I’m not here to talk about Spike and Buffy – that would take way more time than we have, even with time travel, which is not as theoretical as you might think.”

“I’m sorry, what? Vampire slayer? Vampires? Are they – “

“No, nope! Chris warned me you would try to distract me with questions. And as thirsty for knowledge as I always am, this is not the time,” shed admonished, slapping a pad of paper down emphatically on her desk. “We’re here to talk about you, buddy, so let’s get to it.”

“That kind of information could be invaluable to my Pack – “

“Yes, your Pack. I spoke to Oz about that – he knows of the Hale Pack, what happened to them and everything. Nasty business – hunters are way more organised here than they were in Sunnydale. I wonder if that was because of Buffy? No! Focus Willow!”

“I’m not sure you’re going to be able to help me – I’m not sure I _need_ help. Or maybe I’m beyond help. Or I’m just – a little bit low. And I promised my Dad so – “

“Possession sucks doesn’t it? I mean, I wasn’t exactly possessed when I tried to end the world the first time – that was more of a power thing than anything, so I guess I don’t even have that excuse.”

“You tried to end the world?”

“Oh yeah – Xander stopped me that time,” she responded with enthusiasm.

“ _That_ time?” Stiles felt like he was in some parallel universe where what Willow Rosenberg said made some kind of sense to _someone_.

“Oh hell, yeah! You’ve not really messed up until you’ve tried to take over the world more than once. Or turned someone inside out. Or, you know, spoken to the dead and almost killed yourself – “ Stiles couldn’t help his flinch and he saw that she had noticed. Despite her babbling, she appeared to be watching him carefully. 

“I wasn’t – “

“Yeah, you were. Or are. Let’s not pretend with each other, okay? I mean, I’m not a werewolf but I can spot a lie pretty well – you have to when you spend a lot of time with Spike because he’s had so many years practising that he’s an expert. And if you don’t want to lose out on all of the Fig Newtons, you need to be able to think several steps ahead of him.” She crossed her legs and stared at him intensely. “How long have you been feeling like this? I mean – honestly?”

For a moment, Stiles considered lying. He didn’t owe her the truth – he had merely promised his Dad that he would give this a try. But there was something about her, about the casual way she spoke about BIG things that dragged the truth out of him.

“Since Scott was bitten probably. I mean, it was my fault that he got turned into a werewolf, and if that hadn’t happened, then none of the rest of it would have happened either. This whole shitshow is my fault.” He looked down at his hands. 

“Scott’s your best buddy right?”

“Yeah. And I know there have been good things that have come from it, but so much bad.”

“So, you’re saying that if you hadn’t caused Scott to be bitten, then Peter wouldn’t have killed Laura? Or Gerard wouldn’t have kidnapped two teenage kids and tortured them? Or Jackson wouldn’t have been turned into a kanima? Or the Alpha Pack – “

“Where do you get all of your information? How do you know all of this?”

“I’m a witch, Stiles,” she wriggled her fingers at him meaningfully. “And a bit of a techie, so I did research of my own. There has been **a lot** happening in Beacon Hills. It wouldn’t surprise me if it was over a Hell Mouth – I’ll have to get the New Watchers onto that.”

“A hellmouth?” She waved it off, writing some quick notes. 

“So – all of that was your fault?”

“Well, not all of that but – “

“What about the Hale fire? Was that you too? Or Kate rapey Argent?” She grimaced when she said Kate’s name.

“What? NO! I had nothing to do with that.”

“Do you believe in fate, Stiles?” Suffering a little whiplash at the change in subject, Stiles tried to marshal his thoughts.

“I don’t know – maybe? Sort of?”

“Then could it possibly be that these things were meant to happen?”

“What – I was meant to be possessed by a chaos demon and try to kill everyone who means anything to me?” he replied bitterly.

“Maybe. We don’t know – we can’t know because that isn’t the way the world works. But – would you prefer that it happen to someone else? That instead of Scott being bitten, it happen to another teenager who might not have handled it the same way?”

“No – I mean, yes but not really.”

“Okay. Let’s move on from that a little – it’s something for you think about. Oh, I know – think of it as homework!” She looked pleased with herself at thinking of it that way. “You know, one of the hardest times of my life was when Sunnydale was gone and we went to England? I mean, we’d won – we’d beaten the big bad, the Turok Han, and sunk Sunnydale, and we nearly all survived. I should have been celebrating, right?”

“I mean – I guess?”

“But I’d lost Tara, Xander lost Anya, Buffy lost Spike – it was hardly a bloodless victory. And we’d lost everything – our homes, the lives we’d built. It didn’t feel like a victory. And everyone was so happy, right? Like – cheering and pleased. And I felt just so freakin’ empty.”

He found himself nodding along. 

“Like – what about all of the bad that had happened? What about all the people we’d lost along the way – good people, people we loved. What about the lives I’d cost through my actions? The pain I’d caused – the suffering.” The sparkling smile was gone from her face, her expression earnest and holding remembered pain. “I caused so much suffering in my time. And everyone else seemed to be getting on with it, just – off with the old, on with the new or however that expression goes. And I couldn’t talk to them about it because – well, because they lost so much but seemed so optimistic – what right did I have to drag them down, you know?” She was leaning forward earnestly, as though needing him to understand her. “And you smile and laugh and pretend it’s all okay, and that you agree with the decisions people are making that affect you – like running off with some stupid vampire called The Immortal just because you don’t want to face what’s going on with Angel and Spike and – where was I?”

“I think you were trying to make me see that I’m not alone,” Stiles replied, giving her a watery smile.

“Yeah, most likely. Sometimes I lose track. You should hear me and Xander together – we can get from pizza to world-ending crisis in five sentences.” She flipped her pen around a little before speaking again. “You got anyone you can talk to – someone personal I mean?”

Stiles sat and thought about it, trying to imagine opening himself up to someone in the Pack. Lydia was out – the loss of Aiden lay on his shoulders, and he remembered the look on her face when she screamed for Allison; Derek and he had mutual respect, but he too had been through so much – in fact, Stiles wondered whether Derek himself needed Willow’s number; so who did that leave? Someone who would _truly_ understand what it was like to take innocent lives? To be out of control and face the people that had been hurt by that lack of control every single day? To face what they had done and keep going?

There was only one person who came to mind.

“You have someone. That’s good – that’s really good.” Willow smiled at him – a gentle smile, one that seemed to understand that one conversation wasn’t going to fix everything, that maybe things couldn’t be fixed. But they could be dealt with, could be understood and moved past. A smile that said she’d been where he was – maybe on more than one occasion. “I have to fly – literally – back to Portland because one of my kids is in a recital and I promised to be there. But – I’ll be back, Stiles. And I hope maybe by then you’ll be ready to tell me a little about the burden you’re carrying.”

“Yeah – yeah, I just might.”

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has been so understanding about the toll writing this is taking and for your good wishes.
> 
> HUGE thanks to Mephistopholes who has listened to me rambling and ranting about this fic and not once told me to stfu.
> 
> Who remembers what Willow was like before the writing got all problematic and a bit shit?
> 
> * * *


	7. Peter meets his Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SlashtheDrabble prompt: annoying/annoyed/annoy
> 
> * * *

Shoving her clothes into her bag, Willow barely flinched when she felt a clawed hand grasp her elbow. 

“You better listen up, buster, I don’t normally get this dressed up so if you leave so much as a pinprick through this blouse, I will wear your pelt as a jacket!” she replied, allowing herself to be bustled into the nearby alleyway.

“I don’t know who you think you are – “

“Oh I **know** exactly who I am – I get the feeling you don’t, so I’m going to allow you a little leeway.” Pushed against the brick wall, she faced the werewolf that was threatening her. He was tall – well, taller than her which didn’t actually take much – with a strong square jaw, thick muscled neck and glowing blue eyes. It was interesting to note the differences in the werewolf variations and she wondered if it was down to genetics or just another strain, like the Turok Han versus Spike and Angel, etc. Shaking herself mentally to get back on track, she tilted her head to get a better look at him. “Peter Hale, I presume?” She had wondered just who amongst Stiles’ Pack would care enough about him to try to find out what she was doing – to be honest, she hadn’t expected it to be this man. Willow was getting more than a little annoyed by the sheer stupidity of this group ignoring their friend in need.

“I see my reputation precedes me,” he gave a satisfied smirk, casually flicking his claws in and out. 

“Kinda. But to be honest, I’ve faced bigger and scarier than you so you better start showing some manners or I’ll have to teach you the error of your ways! I’ve faced down Angelus on a bad hair day – you’re barely a storm in a teacup in comparison.” Willow allowed her eyes to go dark, pleased when she saw Peter’s reaction. “Now, I’m allowing you to waylay me on my way to the airport because there are a few members of your little Pack that I need to have words with – but that’s the only reason, so don’t think this is all about you.”

“I would never assume that it’s all about me. Perhaps we have got off on the wrong foot,” he replied.

“You think?” Allowing the magic to bleed from her eyes, she deliberately stepped forward, forcing the man backwards. “Good job you saw sense, because if I had to explain to Spike and Xander why I was late, things would _not_ have gone well for you.”

“Spike?”

“One of my husbands – you don’t need to know the details. Right – so, what can you tell me about Scott McCall, other than that he’s a dumbass who doesn’t realise how much his best friend is struggling?” Peter’s eyes lit up and he gave a real smile this time.

“Oh, I think you and I might just end up being friends.”

* * *


	8. If you could sever flesh and bone and offer it to me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Willow seems to have taken over - I have no control over my characters!
> 
> * * *

Stiles pulled into his driveway, absent-mindedly noting that Scott’s dirt-bike was parked out on the street, his friend watching him park the Jeep. His head was full of his meeting with Willow and the things she had said. It was the most positive he had felt in such a long time, he almost didn’t recognise the feeling. Now if he could just get up the courage to speak to the one person who had come to mind when she had asked if he had someone – 

“Stiles! Where have you been? I’ve been trying to get hold of you for ages!” He’d barely got out of the Jeep before Scott was striding over.

“Hey, Scott – sorry, I – “

“What was with all the passive-aggressive notes on that information you sent about the gremlins?”

“What?” Confused, Stiles stepped back slightly, inexplicably feeling threatened.

“The stuff you sent – they were covered with all these sarcastic notes, like Derek and I didn’t have any brains!”

“I didn’t write any notes – “

“Oh come on, Stiles! I knew you were pissed that we didn’t listen to you but there was no need for half the stuff you said!” Scott was in a temper and didn’t appear to be listening to a word that Stiles had to say.

“Were they even in my handwriting?”

“What?”

“I said – were the notes in my handwriting? Because I certainly don’t remember writing any pithy notes about what dumbasses you and Derek could sometimes be,” he replied, heading towards the front door. 

“Well – let’s be honest, it wouldn’t be the first time you don’t remember doing something.” Stiles froze, unable to believe that Scott had said that. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Look, Stiles – you look like shit! You’re not sleeping, you’ve been really edgy and angry lately, and – I mean, the only stuff you’re taking is your Adderall, right?” Scott was trying to sound sympathetic but all that Stiles could hear was the accusation underneath.

“Are you asking me if I’m on _drugs_?”

“It would be understandable and we can get you help – “

“Scott, how fucking dare you! I’m not on drugs – I look like shit because I _feel_ like shit! I don’t sleep, I barely eat, and this whole crap with the gremlins was kinda the last straw! You guys treat me like I’m some kind of walking encyclopedia on the weird like I can pull information out of my ass and I’m sick of it!” Stiles tried to rein in his temper, aware that they were stood on his front lawn.

“See, this is what I’m talking about! This – this _anger_ and snarkiness – it’s just getting to be a bit much, dude! I mean, no one wants to say anything because you were all fragile and shit after – after the nogitsune – but – “

“Fragile? I was _fragile_? Jesus fucking Christ! I was possessed, you asshole! My body was taken over and I was made to do things that make me sick to even think about them! And yes – I’m angry! I’m angry that I was ever put into that position – by Deaton, by circumstances, by everything! And I feel guilty and tired and – “

“You weren’t the **only** one who went through some stuff, Stiles! I felt like I was losing control all of the time like I was turning into a monster and Allison – before she – Allison – “

“Go on – say it! Allison, what? Before she died because of me – that was what you were going to say wasn’t it?” Shoving his key into the door, he let himself into the house, barely caring if Scott followed or not.

“That wasn’t what I meant! But – well, yeah – she was going through some stuff too. And she fucking died – at least you’re still alive!” Scott stalked into the kitchen behind Stiles, his face twisted with anger. “You should be fucking grateful that we managed to save you and instead you’re moping around and sulking and acting like we’re asking too much of you just because we need some information! Sometimes I wonder if you even want to be part of the Pack!”

“Grateful? I should be _grateful_? Just how many times since this supernatural shitshow started have I saved your ass? And Derek’s? I know Deaton makes you sound like the Next Great Hope for the world, but sometimes Scott you can’t tell your ass from your elbow!” Grabbing a soda from the fridge, Stiles ripped it open and guzzled it down. “In fact, your little pack of baby whatevers wouldn’t last five minutes without me and you know it!”

“Is that really what you think? Are you that arrogant that – “

“It’s a god-damned fact! Half of your plans wouldn’t stand up to kindergarteners let alone all the stuff out there that’s trying to kill us! The only reasons we’ve made it so far is because Derek throws himself into danger like it’s his raison d’etre, Peter lends a hand and I provide you lot with as much information as I can! And in the meantime, you push me aside because the fragile human can’t cope with anything!” He slammed the can down onto the side and turned back to Scott and yanked up his plaid shirt and tee-shirt. “Have you _seen_ the scars I have? From saving you? Derek? It’s a wonder I haven’t lost my mind completely and you’ve got the nerve to be standing there asking me if I’m taking drugs!” He laughed sarcastically.

“Okay, maybe I was on the wrong track with the drugs thing but – “

“You think?”

“But you can’t honestly tell me that you’ve been yourself lately! Have you looked in the mirror? Your eyes are dark and sunken, you’ve lost weight – Stiles, something is going on with you and after everything is it any wonder that I’m worried that you might be – could be – “

“What, possessed again? Losing my mind? Needing another trip to Eichen House? Fuck you, Scott – fuck you and fuck your Pack!”

“You don’t mean that!”

“Oh yeah? Maybe I do – maybe it’s time I put myself first and just – just tried to live a normal life for a change!”

“Stiles! What are you saying? What – “

“I wasn’t the one bitten – I wasn’t the one who got super strength and speed and healing – I’m still just everyday, average Stiles and maybe I should start to act like it!” With a heavy sigh, he sank into one of the kitchen chairs. “If you’re so sure that I’m not up to par, then maybe the best thing I could do is just – stay out of the way. If you guys have been talking about me behind my back, decided all of this – “

“I didn’t say that!” Scott paced back and forth. “We haven’t been talking about you behind your back or anything like that – I’m just really worried about you. And the notes – the things you wrote – “

“I didn’t write them! For God’s sake, Scott – who passed the notes to you?”

“Peter.”

“Right – does that possibly give you an idea who might have written on them? Who might have had something to say about the frankly asinine plans you and Derek come up with to deal with things?” 

“Are you saying Peter wrote those things? Because he didn’t say – “

“You know what? It doesn’t matter – it really doesn’t. I’m sorry you’ve been worried about me – I’m not taking drugs or possessed or losing my mind. I’m just – tired.” Slumped in the chair, suddenly all Stiles wanted was for Scott to leave. “Maybe you should just – go.”

“Stiles – I – look, this got out of hand. I said some things that I didn’t mean – or said them badly – “

“No, seriously, Scott – just go.” Stiles wearily got to his feet, swaying slightly. “I’m really tired and I don’t think anything useful is going to come from us continuing to talk.”

“Stiles, man – you’re an important part of the Pack and we need you! I know sometimes it might seem like we don’t listen to you, or value your advice but – “

“I believe he asked you to leave, McCall.” Stiles and Scott both turned in surprise to see Peter in the doorway. “It’s actually quite fortuitous – there is a lady who wishes to speak to you and the other Pack members, so perhaps you could call a meeting? In the meantime, I think it would be best if you leave Stiles alone.”

“What right do you have to tell me what to do?” Scott bristled.

“He asked you to leave and you’re not listening. I think that gives me the right to assist him I would say,” Peter replied, eyes flaring brilliant blue momentarily.

“And what woman wants to speak to me?”

“That would be me.” From behind Peter, Willow appeared, waving her fingers at Stiles before giving Scott her full attention. “I think you’ll find that you and your Pack-mates need to listen to what I have to say, and you have definitely outstayed your welcome here.”

“I don’t even know you!” Scott protested.

“I’m Willow Rosenberg – Chris Argent will vouch for me. And I need to talk to you and your Pack-mates on a matter of some urgency. So, if you would get a wriggle on, it would be appreciated. I have a family to get back to because I don’t want Spike or Xander coming here,” Willow replied, gesturing Scott towards the door. “I’ll leave you to look after Stiles, Peter. But remember what I said – I’m watching you.”

“I won’t forget,” Peter replied, stepping aside so that Scott could get past him and head to the door. It was weird – almost like Willow was doing something to draw Scott out of the house. 

“Stiles – I’ll be in touch. Come along, Mr McCall – we have a lot to talk about.”

* * *


	9. Tall, Dark and Broody meet Tall, Dark and Broody

[ ](https://imgur.com/xJjeR1Q)

* * *

“Why exactly are we going to some place I’ve never heard of?” Spike turned to look at Xander who was trying unsuccessfully to read the map. 

“Because that’s where Willow sneaked off to, and when Willow is sneaking there is something afoot,” Xander replied absent-mindedly.

“And why exactly is **he** with us?” Spike gestured backwards with his head, ignoring the kick that Angel aimed at the back of his chair.

“Because Buffy says we can’t be trusted with new people and Angel is at least slightly civilised,” Xander replied for the umpteenth time. “Besides, he was bugging her so she wanted him out from underfoot. Too often people can’t follow what I’m saying because I talk too fast, and they can’t follow what _you’re_ saying because you butcher the English language!”

“HEY!”

“I only speak the truth – and I think you missed the turn off!”

* * *

Derek looked up when he heard the knock on the loft door. He knew it couldn’t be anything good – the Pack didn’t knock and most other people didn’t know where he lived. Reaching the door, he listened cautiously, trying to figure out who was outside. 

There was only one heartbeat but he could definitely sense more than one presence – it was disconcerting.

“OI! You gonna let us in or do we have to knock the bloody door down?”

“SPIKE! That is exactly what Buffy was talking about! Besides, how do you know he’s in?”

“Can hear him breathing, can’t I? And the smell – bloody wolves!”

“No specismism – is that a word?” 

“Xander – focus!”

“Sorry! Hi, you don’t know me – my name is Xander Rosenberg-Harris and I’m looking for my wife.”

“My wife too!”

“Yes, alright Spike!”

“Well she is – don’t be making sole claims on people – it leads to misunderstandings!”

“Okay, okay – Willow is my and Spike’s wife – are you sure there’s someone there?” Confused and intrigued, Derek pulled the door open slightly, taking in the trio waiting on his doorstep.

“Why would you be looking for your wife here?” he asked. The human male was in his mid-forties, dark hair scattered with grey, one hazel eye and an open smile. He was accompanied by a short, lithe looking man with peroxide blond hair and eyeliner highlighting incredible blue eyes. The third person was taller, broad, dark-haired and brown eyes, looking like he’d rather be anywhere than where he was. 

“Because she was coming here to see some bloke who’s part of a wolf-pack, and we’ve been reliably informed that this is where they normally meet. Look, are you gonna let us in mate or do we have to – “

“SPIKE! Stop threatening him! It’s not going to encourage cooperation!” Xander said, sending Derek an apologetic smile. 

“I think you’ve come to the wrong place – “ Derek began before tall, dark and broody interrupted him.

“I apologise for these two. My name is Angel and I understand you’re a member of the Hale McCall Pack? If so, our associate is visiting a member of your pack called _Stiles_? At the behest of Christopher Argent.”

“What has Argent got to do with all of this?”

“Is he thick or what? Angel just told ya, mate – now invite us in so we can find out what we need to know.” This came from the blond who was bouncing on his toes, appearing to be anticipating a fight.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you,” Derek said, trying to shut the door. Angel gripped it firmly and Derek was shocked at his casual strength. He tried a little harder to close the door but it wasn’t budging – they seemed to be a match in terms of strength. “Look – “

“No, YOU look! The boy asked nicely – “

“Boy? I’m nearly 46 – I think I deserve to be called a man by now!” 

“ – and Peaches gave you the official greeting. So why don’t you be a good doggy and go and get your master so we can talk to them, find our wife and get the fuck out of this town. It gives me the wiggins – almost like being on top of the hellmouth all over again!”

“Hellmouth – “

“What on earth are you guys doing here? Who’s going to Charlotte’s recital if both of you are here?” Derek turned to see a red-headed woman walking towards his door, followed by a sheepish looking Scott.

“Hey luv! Buffy said she was happy to go the recital so Charlotte’s covered! We were worried about you,” the peroxide blond man said, smiling as he pulled her into his arms. She slapped him lightly on the chest before reaching up and pecking him on the lips. 

“Hmm, likely story!” She pulled out of the blond’s embrace and turned to the man with the eye-patch. He put his arms around her waist as she kissed him, caressing the side of his face with her hand. “I had this handled – I just needed to speak to the Pack as a whole about the situation and then I was coming home!”

“Yeah, well, seemed like you forgot to mention just what you were up to,” Spike said, glaring at Scott who was trying to become invisible. “All we got was this cropped piece of paper saying you were off to visit a wolf pack and that was it! You know better than to do that, Willow.”

“I know, I know – but it was important. See, a member of their Pack was possessed by a nogitsune and although they managed to exorcise it, he’s struggling with some issues and none of them seemed to understand. I had to visit quickly, Spike but I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Willow replied, looking up at Spike from underneath her lashes. 

“Can we get this over with? I would really like to get back to Portland without having to travel in the trunk of the car,” said Angel.

“Right, gonna invite us in now then mate?” Derek sighed, then opened the door fully.

“Please come in.”

* * *


	10. It's still getting worse after everything I've tried

“Here to save me again, huh?” Stiles said, watching Peter warily.

“I don’t actually think you needed much saving. I’d actually agreed to accompany Ms Rosenberg in her search for our young alpha, and your house seemed the logical place to look,” Peter replied, wandering around the kitchen.

“Yeah, okay. But – how exactly did you meet up with Willow?” 

“Ah, well – there’s a story there – “

“Which I’m asking you to tell me without the normal requirement for blood and sacrifice. How do you know Willow?”

“I don’t. I was following you and wondered who she was when you met with her. I waylaid her once you had departed and asked her.” Peter spoke in such a matter of fact tone of voice that it took Stiles a few moments to register what he had said. 

“You were _following_ me?”

“Well, yes. How else am I to stop you from following through on your asinine plan to remove yourself from this earth? There are very few people on this planet that I actually get along with, let alone feel something for – if one of them intends to disappear, I try to persuade them otherwise,” Peter said, looking at Stiles with a piercing gaze. Unable to meet that searching look, Stiles spluttered for a reply.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“No? And here was I thinking that we’d agreed to be straight-forward. Fine.” Folding his arms over his chest, Peter recited from memory,”Make sure Dad is looked after; make sure Scott isn’t alone; make sure the Pack is safe – do I need to go on?”

“How did you – “

“You slept for quite some time the other night, Stiles, and you know my penchant for snooping.”

“Those notes were private! How dare you?”

“I dare because I can see how much pain you’re in and that you’re not thinking clearly! Really? Do you really think your father would be happier without you around? That you’re so easily replaced?” Stiles realised that Peter was extremely angry, the emotion leaking through his normally passive exterior. “How dare you!”

“What the fuck do you care? I thought the Pack was just a source of amusement to you, a bunch of kids trying to act like they know what they’re doing!” 

“Oh they are! In the main. I love my nephew – have always had a soft spot for family – but I remain on the periphery of the Pack because the Omega rarely survives. But you – I find myself feeling a lot more for you than I had expected – and I detest waste! You are completely and utterly wasted on this bunch of ignorant, unobservant babies!” Peter was suddenly right in front of him, yanking Stiles up from his chair by gripping his upper arms. “You have been through an incredible amount and the fact that they cannot understand the burdens you are carrying is on _them_ , not **you**!”

“Peter – “ Before he could say anything more, Peter had taken his mouth in a blistering kiss, yanking Stiles against his body which made him gasp and opened his lips to Peter’s invasion.

* * *

“Look, before I call my – _our_ – Pack here, I want to know what makes you think you have some right to waltz in here and try to tell us about Stiles! He’s **my** best friend, so why you think you know him better than me – “

“Careful how you talk to my Missus, whelp – I already don’t like the look of your crooked little face! Mind your manners or I’ll be straightening that jaw for you!” Scott looked at the short peroxide blond man, only vaguely able to understand what he was saying as he had a strange accent. 

“Who _are_ you people?” he finally asked, completely confused.

“Chris arranged for Stiles to see Mrs Rosenberg-Harris – for counselling,” Derek said, sitting back and watching everyone as was his wont.

“But – why do you think there’s something wrong with Stiles? I mean – okay, he’s been a bit withdrawn and angry but – “

“And that wasn’t enough of a clue for you to try to – I don’t know – _talk_ to him?” Willow said, taking a seat and looking up at Scott. It felt weird – even with her beneath him in her seated position, he didn’t feel like he was in a position of power. The whole situation was just bizarre – he still didn’t know why he’d followed her so meekly from Stiles’ house and could barely remember the journey to Derek’s loft.

“So he’s a bit down, so what? I just wanted to be sure he wasn’t taking drugs or anything like that – otherwise he seems _fine_!” he protested.

“No, Scott – he’s not fine. He hasn’t been fine in a while,” Derek said quietly, and Scott turned on him, feeling betrayed.

“How the hell would you know? Your interactions with Stiles are always just fights because he doesn’t like your plans! How would you know that he’s not fine?”

“He doesn’t listen well, does he?” That came from the man with the eye-patch, who had taken a seat next to Willow on the couch.

“He actually reminds me of Buffy when she’s on one of her _’I’m the chosen one_ rants,” said the tall, dark man who up until now had been hovering in the shadows of the loft.

“Stop talking about me like I’m not here! I want to know who the hell you are, what you’re doing in **my** town, and what makes you think you have the right to talk to me about members of MY pack!” 

“Fair enough. Take a seat, Mr McCall, and I’ll begin your education. You might want to take that attitude down a notch or two – you don’t come across very well in this at all,” said Willow, gesturing towards the other armchair in the room. With a scowl, Scott threw himself into the chair and waited to hear what she had to say.

* * *

He didn’t remember how they got from the kitchen to the living room, only aware of Peter’s lips on his, the warm hands wandering around his body and making him feel more alive than he had in months. They both grunted as they landed on the sofa, but it didn’t stop them as they continued kissing. 

Stiles wrapped his legs around Peter’s waist, pulling him in as close as he could as he allowed his hands to roam over his head and shoulders. Peter pulled back slightly, looking down at Stiles.

“Wasn’t one of the things on your bucket list that you would be honest with people about how you feel?”

“What? I mean, yeah – I was going to try to be more honest but – “

“Don’t tell me that you seriously think that your feelings aren’t returned? I can assure you, I don’t tend to throw people around like this unless I am interested!” Peter said, lowering his head momentarily to press a hard kiss against Stiles’ lips. “Tell me how you feel about me, Stiles.”

“What if this is just another of your messed up head games and you don’t actually give a shit about me?” he replied, head fuzzy with arousal. He could barely remember the last time he’d _felt_ so much – he was used to living in a haze with emotions and feelings such as arousal a vague memory. Ever since Void, he’d struggled to take ownership of his body and his thoughts – what if he was still possessed and this was all in his imagination? What if this wasn’t real?

“Does this feel like I’m playing games?” Peter said, pressing his pelvis down so that their groins were pressed firmly together and Stiles couldn’t hold back a groan. There was no denying the firm thrust of Peter’s arousal against his own, the pressure enough to throw his thoughts offline and make him thrust up with his hips, searching desperately for more of the blissful sensations. 

“No – no, that definitely doesn’t feel like you’re playing! Peter – “ Somehow Peter rolled them over on the sofa without them falling off so that Stiles was above him, straddling his hips and leaning down towards him. “ – I don’t know quite what I feel for you, but in another life, another time, I would have loved to find out what we could be.”

“Why does it need to be another life or time? What about this one? You know how easily things can go bad in this town – why wouldn’t you grab a chance at happiness when it’s presented to you?” Peter said, grabbing the hair at the base of Stiles’ head and pulling him down into another kiss. “Don’t let the nogitsune take this away from you – from us. We could be something special, you and I.”

“I want – “

“Tell me what you want, Stiles – I will do everything in my power to give it to you!” Peter muttered against his lips, thrusting upwards and making Stiles moan with the strength of his need for more.

“Hey, kiddo – the lights were on but – Jesus Christ!”

* * *


	11. You wear guilt, like shackles on your feet, like a halo in reverse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some understanding, bonding and an offer of escape..
> 
> * * *

[ ](https://imgur.com/6Qs4rVA)

* * *

“You want to send me away?” Stiles sat down heavily on the bed, unable to believe what his father was saying. 

“No, God no – that’s not what I’m saying! Look, you know I spoke to Chris and he gave me the name of Willow Rosenberg Harris. She came to see me yesterday – said she was going to connect with you today. And a lot of what she had to say made so much sense, Stiles. You’ve been through SO much since Scott was bitten and you’ve barely had an opportunity to take a break from all the madness! It wasn’t that long ago you were waking up screaming every night – sleep walking – “

“I was **possessed**!”

“That’s the point I’m making! We know next to **nothing** about what else is out there – what else you’re vulnerable to and – “

“You want to send me back to Eichen House? Because that worked out so well the last time didn’t it?” he said bitterly, wincing internally when he saw the look on his father’s face as the barb struck home. 

“Jesus, kid, you know how to hit where it hurts. Will you just hear me out please? Let me explain and then you can ask me any questions you want – “

* * *

“You want to take Stiles away? Hell no, that isn’t happening!” Scott jumped to his feet, standing over the threesome on the couch. “I was willing to listen to what you had to say but if you think you’re taking Stiles away from me – from the Pack – you are sadly mistaken!”

“Did you know he was open to possession? Do you know how Void got into his head?”

Confused by the change of subject, Scott hesitated. “Deaton said that there would be a darkness but – “

“But you had no idea what that was. Instead of researching it – reaching out to the supernatural community at large, you went ahead and the three of you sacrificed yourself. Now, I admit it was for an extremely good reason, but you gave zero thought to what that darkness was – whether it could be worse than what you were already dealing with.” Willow took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself down before she continued. “Your Emissary was negligent at the very least in letting three teenagers go through with something like that with no preparation – you can count yourself lucky that a Chaos Spirit was what came through – when I consider what _might_ have happened – “

“What could be worse than the nogitsune?” He looked to Derek for support but the other man was looking down at his hands in his lap.

“Are you completely daft?” That was Spike, who had been throwing dark looks at Scott the entire time Willow had been speaking. “The boy over there got himself possessed by a Hyena spirit, along with some his classmates when he was a teenager. They ate their bloody Principal.”

Scott gulped, unwilling to believe the truth of Spike’s statement until Xander flashed his one eye a startling green. Scott took a step back, suddenly seeing the affable man in a completely different light.

“He’s _possessed_?!! And you want me to let Stiles go with you – “

“Possessed in a different way to your friend. Boy here – “

“Man – man, please! Or, you know, just refer to me by my name! And side note, I did not partake of any of the eating of Principal Flutie.”

“ – made peace with the hyena – they work together now. It’s part of what kept him alive through all the Sunnydale shit, for which I’m grateful.”

“What are you? I don’t mean to get off track, but I cannot read you at all and it’s throwing me off!” Scott said, still keeping a wary eye on Xander. They might think he was in control of his possession but Scott had seen what that type of thing could do – there was just no way he was allowing Stiles to go anywhere with these people.

“You still haven’t figured it out? Your man over there knows – don’t you Hale?” Spike gave an almost evil smile as he turned to Derek. “Never had anything to do with your lot really – apart from Oz – but we knew of your Pack, your Mom. Was a good lady, she was – bloody shame what happened to her.”

“Thank you for your condolences. And yes – I know what you are. I knew from the time I opened the door,” Derek replied, seeming completely calm beneath the bright blue stare that was aimed in his direction. 

“Not very bright this one, is he? I mean – True Alpha and all that rot. Almost as bad as Angel and his Shanshu.”

“Shut up, Spike. Shanshu **was** real and meaningful and I gave it up for a higher reason than you’ll ever understand!” The tall man brooding in the shadows spoke harshly and it made Scott jump. He had almost completely forgotten he was in the room. 

“Higher reason, my arse! Realised you didn’t want to be a weak human you mean! Stop talking out of your arse, Peaches, and admit – “

“Enough you two! This is not the time for that argument – it’s almost as bad as the caveman and the astronaut!” Willow exploded. “Right, McCall – “

“You can call me Scott,” he said, not liking how it made him feel when she called him by his surname. He felt like he had been hauled up in front of the class and was getting an ear-bashing from Harris from all those years ago. It wasn’t a comfortable feeling.

“Fine, Scott.” She folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. “All of this would have gone so much smoother if I hadn’t found you browbeating Stiles – it was meant to be all civilised and – “

“Browbeating? When were you browbeating Stiles?” Derek finally came to life, leaning forward in his chair to glare angrily at Scott.

“I wasn’t browbeating him! I was just – I was asking him if he was on drugs and he was saying the Pack couldn’t cope without him and I told him that he wasn’t the only one who suffered after the sacrifices!”

“Jesus, Scott!”

“What? Everything I said was true – “

“That _we_ thought he was on drugs? That he wasn’t useful to the Pack? Really? All of that was true?” The look of disappointment on Derek’s face was too intense for Scott to bear and he turned and stalked back to his chair. 

“Look, we can argue about that later – “

“We **will** be talking about it later,” Derek intoned darkly, but sat back and turned to Willow.

“Right, well – my name is Willow Rosenberg-Harris. I am married to these two – Xander is human apart being possessed by an ancient hyena spirit. Spike and Angel – well, they’re several hundred years old between them and are vampires.” Scott fell over the back of his chair trying to get away from them.

* * *

“So, can you see why I think some time away from Beacon Hills might be good for you? You can’t get away from the supernatural – especially with some of your innate _gifts_ – but someone like Willow, the Watchers might be able to help you. Protect yourself, learn more about what you can do – there is nothing stopping you from coming back, especially if you want to take over as the Emissary for the Hale McCall Pack – but you’d be doing it from a position of power and knowledge, instead of having to fly by the seat of your pants.” Noah leaned forward earnestly, putting his hand onto his son’s knee. “Stiles – the fact that you have kept the Pack alive this long is a miracle. But it shouldn’t all lie on your shoulders and you should have people you can turn to, who can help you – “

“Scott and Derek – “

“Derek refuses to step up and be a real co-Alpha because he’s afraid of making the same mistakes as he did before. And Scott – Scott has too much faith in Deaton to listen and learn from the people around him. And I don’t want you to be a casualty of his unwillingness to utilise the wealth of knowledge around him – not again. I almost lost you once, son – I won’t sit back and let that happen again. Not without a fight.”

Stiles shifted uncomfortably beneath Noah’s gaze, but he was pleased that his son was listening to him. Deciding to try another tack, Noah asked a question to which he was pretty sure he already knew the answer. He could well imagine how Scott had made Stiles feel. 

“What happened tonight?”

“What – “

“I don’t mean with Peter – it was obvious what was happening with Peter!” Stiles blushed and Noah smiled. “Look – let’s just say as you were on top and appeared to be an enthusiastic and willing partner in what was happening, I don’t feel the need to try and talk you out of whatever is going on. But both you and Peter are sensible enough to know that if you are going to build a relationship, you **both** need to do some work on your mental health.”

“I just – it was nice to just _feel_ something again – something positive.”

“I get that. And I can understand why you are drawn to each other – you’ve both been through a lot, have taken a lot onto yourselves, rightly or wrongly. If anyone can understand some of what you went through, then I can see Peter being that person.”

“He gets it. He killed people – and not all of them were guilty.”

“You didn’t – “

“I **caused** the death of so many people – even if it was Void in control. It was still my body, these hands – sometimes I have nightmares where I can’t get all of the blood off my hands! Dad, I – “

“I can’t say I completely understand, but I can tell you that I don’t blame you. And neither do the members of the Pack. But maybe they don’t understand what’s still going around in your head, and you haven’t let them in for whatever reason – “

“I’m weak enough as a human – I don’t want to keep reminding them that I was a taken over and used as a meat-suit to run rampage around Beacon Hills, causing destruction everywhere I went!”

“You’re not weak!” Jumping to his feet, Noah grabbed Stiles up from his bed, pulling him into a tight embrace. “Stiles – you are one of the strongest men I know! And I will tell you that as many times as you need me to if it means that I get to have you in my life. I know – I know you’ve had thoughts about – “

“No, Dad, look – “

“Just let me say this, okay? I know you sometimes think that we’d all be better off without you, but it isn’t true, Stiles. In no way imaginable is it true that my life would be better without you. You’re my son and I love you and I would raze this world to the ground to keep you safe.” He pulled back, cupping Stiles’ face in his hands. “I don’t have the right words to tell you how much you mean to me, Stiles. Please – think about this offer, okay? Because I’d rather lose you to Willow and her people and know that you’re safe than – than anything else you might have been planning.” He saw the acceptance in Stiles’ eyes and took a relieved breath, knowing that this was just the beginning of trying to sort things out. And that was nothing on how they were going to handle how Scott dealt with it all.

* * *

“You stay the hell away from me! Derek – how could you let them into the loft?” Scott stood behind the overturned chair, looking wildly at the two vampires who had come to stand in front of Willow and Xander. 

“Scott, we’re not a danger to you – “ Angel said, holding out a placating hand.

“So you say!”

“Have we harmed you? Have we laid a finger on you?”

“I’ll lay more than a finger on him if he keeps up with this shit!” Spike growled, transforming into something Scott could never have imagined in his worst nightmares. “Can’t I just eat him and grab the one we want? ‘Cos this bloke is making me hungry!”

“Spike!” Willow tried to push Spike out of the way but he refused to move, staring at Scott with yellow eyes, his dislike utterly clear. When Willow thumped him on the back, he shifted back to his human face and took a step to the side, hands up in a gesture to show that he was harmless.

“Fine – but I need a cigarette if I have to deal with more of this shite!”

* * *


	12. Love's Bitch

Spike took a deep inhale on his cigarette, watching as the man approached him from across the car park. He was pretty enough – sharp cheekbones, thick neck, vee-neck shirt showing just a little too much of his broad chest. His eyes were a nice shade of blue and he seemed innocuous enough. But he walked like a predator and being in a strange town made Spike wary. 

The man came to a halt in front of Spike, looking him up and down with an assessing stare. 

“Something I can do for ya, mate?” he asked, deliberately exhaling in his face. This close, he could smell the wolf on the man and he assumed this was another of the Hales. He hoped he wasn’t like the puppy upstairs – that McCall kid made Spike want to relive his William the Bloody days.

“You’re not taking him without me.”

“Oh really? And should I know who you’re talking about?”

“Do you really want to play games?” The man’s voice matched his physique, all smooth and controlled, slightly husky. And apparently, he was attached to the Stiles boy. Could prove interesting.

“Not really. Got the Missus and the Boy for that. But I’m up for a little word-play if you are – why exactly should we take you with us? Assuming we take anyone with us of course.”

“Because if you don’t, I’ll simply follow and you won’t know where I am or what I’m doing. If you take me with you, then at least you have me on side – as long as it suits me and takes care of my interests anyway.” He leaned forward, taking a deep sniff of Spike’s scent. Having him that close made the hackles on the back of Spike’s neck rise and he barely restrained himself from attacking. “Stiles isn’t going anywhere with you unless I’m with him.”

“I don’t know if we’ve got room on the team for someone with such selfish motives. Besides, who’s to say the boy wants you to come along?” Tossing the cigarette aside, Spike leaned back against the wall, acting casual but remaining alert. “He might decide he wants to leave the lot of ya behind and start afresh. Actually, thinking on it – might be good if we could convince his Dad to come along with us. Apparently he’s law enforcement – always pays to have an in with them. Could come in handy with anything we need smoothing over and all that. Not sure just how useful you’d prove to be – look a mite too pretty to be much use in a fight.”

“Oh really?” The man’s eyes flashed red and Spike straightened in surprise. The brief update that Willow had been able to give them had said there were two alphas in the McCall Hale Pack – Derek who was too much like the brooding poof for Spike’s liking, and the puppy McCall. So who the hell was this? “This is not something anyone else needs to know – at the present time anyway. But I assure you, I can more than hold my own in a fight – and I also happen to be a lawyer. So, how handy could that prove to be?”

“Maybe. But I’d need to know you’re not a danger to me and mine – won’t have you around my people if you’re trouble.”

“I’m no trouble unless I need to be. And Stiles will need a familiar face if he’s to settle in with your group of people. I’ve done a little research on you all – some of the things you’re doing could upset the wrong people. I wouldn’t want Stiles caught in the middle of that.” Spike went to speak and the man interrupted. “However, I understand that Mrs Rosenberg Harris is the best therapist available for those of the supernatural persuasion – and it has recently come to my attention that in order to be worthy of a certain person, I might need to do some work on my own mental health.”

Spike tilted his head to the side, considering the man in front of him, reaching a few conclusions in the tense silence. 

“We’re all love’s bitch in the end, aren’t we?” he finally said, holding out his hand. “Name’s Spike, formerly William the Bloody.”

“Peter Hale, formerly half insane serial killer. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Spike.”

* * *

“Did you know Stiles was feeling suicidal?” Derek looked up at Willow’s words, shocked to his core.

“NO! Stiles would never – where did you get the idea – “

“It’s not an idea, Derek. It’s fact. And a big part of the reason that Chris contacted me. Stiles has been struggling for way longer than any of you have realised or noticed. He’s your Pack mate and yet not one of you saw how much he was suffering.” She looked between him and Scott, taking in their surprise. “He was making plans – a bucket list of things he needed to complete before taking action.”

“That’s not – ” Derek protested, Scott shouting over him.

“That’s bull!”

“I know it’s hard if someone is hiding something from you, but if nothing else, you should have been checking in with him after everything he went through. You, Derek, have been hiding in the background, letting Scott fumble his way through things without any real guidance. What happened to all of the treaties and agreements your family had with other packs? What happened to your contacts in New York?” Derek flinched, aware that what Willow was saying was right. Ever since he initially fucked up being alpha, he’d held back from taking charge. To be completely honest, sometimes he felt like little more than Pack muscle – Scott rarely asked his advice, and even if he did, it was even rarer that he listened. He was more inclined to take Deaton’s word for things and ignore anything Derek might say. 

“There wasn’t time – “

“When everything was insane, true – there wasn’t time then. But there _have_ been periods of relative rest and quiet, and you’ve done nothing to reach out to anyone. I spoke to a few people – Satomi Ito for one – and she said that as far as she’s aware, you’ve let all of your alliances completely slide.”

“Most other packs aren’t interested in allying with a Pack our size – we’re small and we’re inexperienced. Most of them are more inclined to stand back and see if we make it before they want anything to do with us.”

“And what about the Hale name? What about the respect others had for your Mother and what she built?” Willow was speaking kindly but she was relentless. “You’ve pulled away from everything and everyone who might have helped you – perhaps out of guilt, perhaps other reasons – but Derek, that’s not the way to survive in this world. At the moment, you’re ripe for a Pack take-over, or another attack by hunters.”

“Hold on just a second – “ Scott interrupted her, more relaxed now that Spike was out of the room. He didn’t seem to find Angel anywhere near as intimidating as he did the blond vampire, although he kept giving Xander suspicious looks. 

“And as for you, Scott. You don’t listen to anyone. I might not hold the same views as Spike does about the importance of being a True Alpha, but that isn’t the answer to everything. And just because you showed the strength of character to reach that status doesn’t automatically mean that you don’t need other people. Your pack is only as strong as your weakest member, and in the short amount of time that I’ve been looking into things in Beacon Hills, you have some real issues that need to be addressed.”

“I don’t know who you think you are, walking in here and acting like you have the right to speak to me like this, but I’ve had just about enough of you!! You’re not taking Stiles anywhere – I’ll make damned sure of that – and I think it’s time you left!” 

“Scott – “ Derek tried to interject, seeing that this was going nowhere good. Unfortunately, it seemed that Willow had reached the end of her patience with Scott as she got to her feet, an unseen wind surrounding her and sending her red hair fluttering around her face. Her eyes had bled black and the look she gave Scott was scorching.

“I’ve been nice to you so far, but it’s becoming clear to me that you don’t respond to anything resembling a ‘nice’ approach. I am one of the strongest witches in the United States. I have almost ended the world – twice. And you, Scott McCall, are an insignificant note in history if I choose to make it so. Now, you may care more about your ego than you do about your alleged best friend, but that situation is **not** going to be allowed to continue.” With a wave of her hand, she lifted Scott from his feet until he was hovering in the air, arms flailing around uselessly. “I could swat you like a fly now if I wanted to, but I’m not going to do it. Not for your sake, but for the sake of Stiles, for Derek – and because I promised Buffy I wouldn’t kill anyone if I didn’t have to. But you need to get your head out of your butt and realise that there you are a small fish in a very, very big pond and that sooner or later, your actions are going to get someone killed. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, yes!! Just – put me down – please!” Willow waved her hand again, causing Scott to land on the floor with a thud and Derek couldn’t hold back a measure of satisfaction at seeing him handled that way. “And as for you, Derek Hale, you’re going to be having online sessions with me to talk through some of _your_ issues; you’re going to be working with the Sheriff to get this Pack into decent shape; and you’re going to stop hiding behind Scott here. Do **you** understand?”

“Yes, Mrs Rosenberg-Harris!” Derek responded, unable to tear his gaze away from the piercing look she was giving him.

“Good. Now – do you have anything nice to eat? Because I am starving and magic always gives me the munchies. Ooh, Xander, maybe we could see if they have any twinkies!”

* * *


	13. You have left a chill in my heart

[ ](https://imgur.com/EJXIi5R)

* * *

“You might as well come in, I can tell you’re out there,” Stiles said, continuing to tap away at his keyboard as he heard his bedroom window open and the sounds of someone landing on his bedroom floor. 

“Were you really planning to kill yourself?” Derek sounded pained and Stiles looked over his shoulder at him, shocked to see just how bad the other man looked. The stubble that decorated his face was on the verge of being out of control, his hair was a tangled mess and he looked like he’d had no sleep.

“I don’t know about planning, exactly – “

“Please don’t lie to me, Stiles.” 

“Sorry. Yeah – um, I sort of had plans to just – get out of you guys way? I made a list of the things I wanted to do first, and then, yeah, I guess.” Realising he was rambling whilst Derek looked pained, Stiles stopped himself. “Yeah. I was.”

“Jesus Christ, Stiles – did you not think you could come to me? We could have talked – I could have tried to help! I mean – we’re friends, aren’t we?”

“Are we? I mean – most of the time you treat me like an annoyance at best.”

“Fuck.” Stiles was shocked to realise he had hurt Derek’s feelings and hastened to explain. 

“Come on, Derek – we see each other at Pack Meetings and when there are emergencies. You don’t listen to any warnings I give, and the most I see of you apart from that is when you turn up at my window wanting to know how to kill the latest thing to come to Beacon Hills. We aren’t friends, man – we’re barely pack-mates.”

“I really messed up with you, didn’t I? I mean – you were the only person to not treat me like a pariah with the Boyd thing – you’ve always been there for me when I needed you, even to the detriment of your own well-being.” Derek looked down at his hands, shuffling his feet. “And all of this time, I’ve just been a selfish bastard who didn’t even see that you were in pain.”

“To be fair, I did hide it really well,” Stiles said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

“No – looking back, you didn’t hide it well. We – **I** just wasn’t paying attention the way I should have been.” Derek looked up, meeting Stiles’ eyes. “I owe you an apology, Stiles. More than one, actually. For pushing you around so much when we first met, to treating you like a convenience, ignoring your advice and – generally being a shit person to you.”

“Wow, I actually don’t know what to do with that,” Stiles admitted. “That’s not the relationship we’ve ever had, and that’s not all on you. I did some pretty shit things to you too. How about we call it quits and try from here on out?”

“Is that even going to be possible? You’re going with Willow and – “

“Whoa, whoa, how the hell did you know about all of that?” Stiles jumped to his feet and faced Derek. “Have you guys been planning my life behind my back? Trying to ship me off – “

“No, it’s nothing like that. It’s just – when Willow brought Scott to the loft, she made us see just how badly we’ve fucked up. And she said they were offering for you to go with them, learn more about your talents, get a break from Beacon Hills.” Derek looked at Stiles earnestly. “I don’t **want** you to go – far from it – but it makes a lot of sense.”

Stiles relaxed a bit, realising that he was still sensitive to the idea that the Pack wanted rid of him. 

“Okay, sorry. Just – trigger point for me I guess.” He sat back down on his computer chair, gesturing for Derek to take a seat on the bed. “Do you think it’s a good idea – for me to get out of here, really?”

“God, if I thought I could get away from Beacon Hills, I’d be out of here in a hot second! Visiting Cora when she left showed me what life _could_ be like with a real pack but – I can’t go.”

“Why not? I mean, what’s holding you here? The Hales left Beacon Hills before and it was still your land. Why can’t you go now, when there’s actually a pack who could hold it for you?” Stiles found himself getting excited. “You could come with me – start again somewhere completely new!”

“I don’t think Uncle Peter would like that much. I think he plans to stick to you like gum on a shoe,” Derek replied with a slightly sly smirk and Stiles flushed bright red, scratching his head and avoiding eye contact. 

“Peter doesn’t necessarily get a say. Besides, he could stay here and help out.” Derek gave Stiles a look that clearly labelled him a dumbass. 

“Er, no – he really couldn’t stay here. Do you really think an alpha Peter will work with Scott peacefully?”

“Wait, what? Peter’s an alpha again? When did that happen?!”

“Shit, he didn’t tell you!” Derek was avoiding his eyes now. “I only found out yesterday and he told Spike first!”

“Spike? Who the hell is Spike? Oh my God, I have one therapy session and a heart to heart with my Dad and I miss out on _everything_! Spill, Derek, and I want every single detail! If I’m thinking of taking them up on this offer, I want to know it all!”

“Stiles – “

“Hey, I’ll even make you some food – bribery always works! Come on, Sour-wolf, as my friend you have the right to finally experience a Stilinski food binge-fest special whilst doing the ‘friendly’ thing and filling me in,” Stiles said standing up and heading towards the bedroom door. “What do you say? Fresh start?”

Derek looked over at him and gave a smile, getting to his feet and moving towards Stiles.

“That would be really good, Stiles, thank you.”

* * *


	14. Bucket List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stiles makes a decision about his future
> 
> * * *

“Thanks for meeting me – us,” Stiles said, taking a cautious sip of his hot chocolate. He watched as Willow did the same, a pleased smile crossing her face at the taste. “I guess I’m a little bit concerned about your offer? I mean, it’s not that I’m not grateful because I am – but I barely know you. Or them.” He gestured to the three men who had accompanied Willow to the all-night diner when Stiles had requested a meeting with his Dad present.

“What’s the main thing you’re worried about, Stiles?” Willow said, smiling gently at him.

“I don’t know – I mean, you tell me that these two are vampires<,” he gestured to the peroxide blond man and the so-far completely silent, brooding hulk, “and he’s _possessed_ by an ancient hyena spirit. Excuse me if I can’t quite get my brain to comprehend all of the levels of bad that could come from that if you turn out to be bad guys!” The one called Xander snorted into his hot chocolate at the comment. 

“You worried we want you for some kind of virgin sacrifice, are ya?” That came from the one called Spike. 

“Well – “

“Wouldn’t worry too much about that – if that’s a state you’re currently in, I’m pretty sure he’ll help you handle that side of things.”

“He who?”

“Did you take my marshmallows?” Spike was looking down into his mug of hot chocolate, missing Xander’s patently fake attempt at an innocent face. “Huh?”

“Who he would like to help me with the whole virgin thing – which, not to say that I am but – “

“You mean you lot didn’t spot Hale over there?” Spike gestured with his head and Stiles finally noticed a figure a few tables over holding a large newspaper in front of their face.

“Peter?” he asked, shocked when the newspaper was lowered and Peter gave a smile that said quite plainly that he wasn’t even remotely embarrassed about being caught creeping. “You stalkery creeper dude – what the hell are you doing here?”

Getting to his feet, Peter made his way over and Stiles was pleased and surprised when his father simply made room for Peter around the table without comment.

“Good evening to you all. I must say, being creatures of the night doesn’t seem to prevent you from discovering good eateries – I hadn’t been to this diner before.” He placed his cup and saucer onto the table in front of him, folding his arms across his chest.

“What the hell, Peter?” Stiles insisted, giving the man a heavy look. Peter sighed.

“Do you seriously think that I would allow you to disappear from Beacon Hills with a group of people that we know only from a recommendation from Argent? Does that sound like me to you, sweetheart?” Stiles flushed at the endearment while he took in Peter’s statement.

“Well – no, I guess not. But there is no ‘allowing’ me to do anything. I’m a grown man and if I decide to attend Portland’s equivalent of Hogwarts, then you can’t stop me!”

“I have absolutely no intention of getting in the way of your education – whether it be in matters of the supernatural or otherwise. I merely wish to ensure that you remain safe whilst doing so – and pursue what we have begun.” To his surprise, Peter wasn’t smiling – he was completely and utterly serious as he spoke the words and something within Stiles softened and relaxed. 

“Okay, well. Good. It would be cool to have someone with me who I know can protect me – if need be.”

“Do we have to be here for the sick-making stuff?” Spike said from across the table, and Willow thwapped him on the shoulder. 

“I think it’s really sweet – especially in front of the parental unit! The last time Xander met my parents, he accidentally broke my Mother’s antique teapot! How come neither of you make such expressions of devotion in such pretty words?” 

“I fought a Chaos demon for you – horrible, slimy things! Almost ruined my jacket,” Spike protested, running his hand gently along Willow’s cheek.

“And I fixed the broken toilet in the bathroom at home without you having to nag me – that’s a whole different kind of love language!” said Xander, taking Willow’s hand in his. 

She sighed and looked at Stiles as if to say ‘what can you do’ before replying.

“You were the one who broke the toilet, so not sure that counts! And as for you,” she slapped Spike’s hand away, “you provoked that Chaos demon by cheating at cards, so that was hardly a fight for my honour! Now be quiet, all of you, I want to reassure Stiles and his Dad that we’re actually competent, helpful people who can be of assistance rather than escapees from a mental institution!”

“Oh no, carry on – this is the most entertained I’ve been in ages!” said the Sheriff. “Besides, if you stop talking I may have to address this whole idea that Hale has that I’m going to allow him to ride off into the sunset with my son.”

“Noah – I am perfectly happy to have a conversation about this with you afterwards. But in the meantime, perhaps we should use this as an opportunity to reassure Stiles that Mrs Rosenberg-Harris and her team are safe people to be with.” Point to Peter.

“I have run some checks on them – as I told Stiles – and I believe, as far as I can find out, that they are who they say they are, and that they could be of great help to Stiles.” Noah turned to his son. “In the end, the decision lies with you – as to whether you go, **and** if you decide Peter comes with you. So, Stiles – trusting you and your gut – what’s it gonna be?”

* * *

Scott looked down at his feet, unwilling to meet Stiles’ gaze. He had been surprised just how difficult it had been to convince his friend to meet him, even more so once he found out from Derek of all people that Stiles was leaving Beacon Hills and going with that frankly dangerous woman and her vampire friends. 

“You wanted this meeting, Scott – I have things I need to get done if I’m going to be ready to hit the road this weekend.” Looking at Stiles, Scott could see that he was looking better: his skin was clearer, as were his eyes; he seemed more relaxed in himself, more confident. The change in just a couple of days was quite astounding. 

“Are you really going with them? For God’s sake, Stiles, they’re – _vampires_!” He whispered the last word, looking around to be sure no one could overhear them. The fact that they were in a diner that he wasn’t familiar with yet Stiles seemed completely at ease - it was a little disconcerting. 

“And you’re a werewolf. Get over yourself, Scott – after everything we’ve seen, did you really think there wasn’t other supernatural things out there?” Stiles shook his head. “This is my chance to find out about so much of it – and get some help for myself. Because as hard as it is to admit, I was – _am_ – in a bad place more often than not. And Willow can help me with that.”

“But – “

“Willow gets it – she gets **me**. She’s done some bad – hurt some people – and she knows what I’m feeling. She can help me resolve it in my head, maybe finally move forward from it. Because the only other person I know who even comes close to getting what it feels like to be responsible for so much death is Peter.”

“What about Derek?”

“Are you seriously putting the blame for what happened to his family onto him after you _know_ what Kate did? Scott – sometimes, lately man – I’ve been ashamed of how you’ve been acting.” Stiles took a deep breath. “The Hales have been through a ton of shit that neither of us will ever understand. But if Derek can reach some peace with Peter – can forgive him for what he did – then I think you need to consider whether you can too. You gained a lot from becoming a werewolf, Scott – and it’s possible you gained far more than you lost. I can’t tell you to forgive him – you have the right to be angry with him for the rest of your life if that’s what you choose.”

“He bit me, Stiles! He turned me into a monster and – “

“NO! Enough with the monster stuff, enough with the self pity – enough, Scott. We’ve gone so far past all of that! Just – Peter’s coming with me. To Portland.”

“What?”

“Peter’s coming with me – we’re going. _Together_.” Stiles was waiting for Scott to understand something but he couldn’t comprehend what he was being told. Stiles was choosing to go with _Peter_ instead of staying here with his best friend, where he was needed?

“I don’t understand! Stiles – we **need** you here! I know you’ve been through a tough time – and we can try to get you some help – but going off with – oh my God, you mean _with_ Peter?!”

“There it is! And before you say anything that you can’t take back, just remember some of the things Allison did when she was working with Gerard. Remember the things her mother did. Remember what Gerard did. There are very few of us in the Pack who can afford to throw stones from the glass houses we’re living in.” Stiles grabbed his hand over the table. “You’re my best friend – you always will be. But I need to do this – for me. And I want to see if its possible to have something with Peter. I’m not asking for your blessing or anything like that – I’m just asking for my best friend to try to be happy for me and wish me well.”

Scott stared at him, unable to believe the betrayal that Stiles was about to undertake. He didn’t have words for how it made him feel and unable to stand being there a moment longer, he pulled his hand out of Stiles’ grasp, pushed away from the table and stalked out of the diner.

* * *

“I love you, Dad. Remember, stick to your diet – I’ll know if you cheat!”

“Stiles – “

“No, seriously – Willow says she’ll help me figure out a way to track what you’re doing. You’ll never know when I’m watching you!” Stiles laughed at the look on his Dad’s face even as he fought back tears. “Gonna miss you, though.”

“Phone call away – always, son,” Noah replied, not even trying to hold back his own tears. Finally pulling away, Stiles turned towards Derek who was hovering awkwardly on the sidelines. 

“Bring it in, big guy – Stilinski hugs are famous!” Derek stepped into his space, wrapping his arms around Stiles and holding him surprisingly tight. Stiles pretended not to notice the subtle scent marking that Derek did, rubbing his face along Stiles' hair. “You keep my Dad under control – and the rest of the puppies!”

“You’re not going to the ends of the earth, you know Stiles – there are phone calls, Zoom, Skype – “

“Look at you, acting like a fully fledged member of society!”

“Haha! Keep my uncle in check – if you can. And try not to blow up anything!” Derek stepped back, moving to stand next to Stiles’ Dad. It relaxed something inside Stiles to see him there, knowing that he would look out for Noah and keep him safe. With one last look at the house, Stiles climbed into the navy blue Ford Shelby Cobra, silently appreciating the scent of leather and the beauty of the car.

“Are you finally finished with your goodbyes?” Peter asked from the driver’s seat, acting impatient. 

“I saw you and Derek sharing a wolfy tear or two, don’t front!” Stiles replied, putting on his seatbelt. 

“Yes, well – he is one of the last relatives I have so perhaps I will endeavour to keep in touch,” Peter replied, starting the engine. “No Scott?”

Stiles shook his head sorrowfully, for a moment thinking about his best friend and his refusal to take any of Stiles’ calls or attempts to make final contact.

“He’s not ready and that’s cool. But I need to do what’s right for me – for my mental health, for everything really.” He turned to Peter, who gave him an understanding nod. “So are you going to tell me where we’re going before Portland? Because I know you told my Dad and Willow.”

“Ah, well – do you recall your bucket list? The ones that said the things you wanted to do before – “

“Yeah, yeah – I remember it. Can we maybe – I don’t know – _not_ talk about that?” Stiles shifted nervously in his seat.

“You mentioned the sea – I thought perhaps before we headed towards Portland we could tick that off your list?” Peter replied.

“For real? I mean – honestly? Oh my God – Peter, that’s – “

“Yes, yes – worthy of more than a kiss and a grope in the front seat of my car! Perhaps you would consider the fact that your father is in possession of wolfs-bane bullets and save my life by climbing back into your own seat while he’s watching from beside the car!” Stiles realised he’d thrown himself over the centre console, only the seatbelt and cramped conditions preventing him from being in Peter’s lap. 

“That is just freaking awesome, Peter – thank you! I mean it – it means a lot to me!” he settled for saying, relaxing back into his seat and giving his watching father a thumbs-up through the window. As they pulled away, he waved frantically at his Dad and Derek, before falling back in the comfortable leather seat and looking resolutely forward into his future. “Onwards then James, and don’t spare the horses!” 

“Do you even know what that means?” Peter asked as he pulled away, efficiently driving them away from the house and swiftly towards the town limits. 

“No, but it sounded good in my head. Just – let’s see what’s out there for us, shall we?”

“Sounds good to me!” Peter smiled before putting his foot down, sending them flying down the road and into their future. Together.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To Tummysassandass - I'm not sure if this was where you wanted it to go, but I hope you like it. Thank you, as always, for your stellar prompts! You always make me think and get my muse popping, but with this one you really challenged me and I appreciate it.
> 
> To Mephistopholes - thank you for always being there with a gif, a photo or simply a kind word. I don't have the words for how much you have come to mean to me in such a short time. A boop to you and to Boo.
> 
> To the usual suspects - you are the glimmers of light that keep me going when I'm in the dark - Devilscut, Mulder200, Spazlady to name just a few. Thank you, and keep shining your light. It matters and it helps. 
> 
> To people taking a chance on reading this, I hope it wasn't (a) too triggering and/or (b) too shallow for what you were looking for. It took me to a few dark places writing this and I honestly don't think I could have delved deeper without going somewhere I don't think I'm mentally ready to go. 
> 
> As always, stay safe, stay well and stay kind  
> Every mind matters - take care of your mental health  
> Love you all  
> Skar  
> x
> 
> * * *

**Author's Note:**

> Like many others, I struggle with my mental health. The lock-down - the entire situation with the pandemic has made things so much harder on everyone. So, hopefully, this will be therapeutic - for me, for others. 
> 
> If you are struggling with your mental health, if you need help, reach out. I have found so many people who are there for me during this tough time, who understand and do not judge. 
> 
> This story is for them. And for me.
> 
> As always, stay safe, stay kind and stay well
> 
> Skargasm  
> x


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